Wednesday, May 4, 2011

DON'T GET BITTER, GET BETTER

Hebrews 12:14-15

Of all the human emotions, the one that I personally and actually fear the most is bitterness. Bitterness is an emotional cancer that will eat you up from the inside out. It is a disease that will contaminate you. It is a burden that will crush you. It is a blaze that will cook you in its own juice.

Many who are hearing this message are slaves in bondage to the master of bitterness. Some of you are bitter toward God because of a tragedy that happened in your life for which you blame Him. Some of you are bitter toward others, such as a boss who unjustly fired you; a spouse who left you for someone else or a business partner who skipped out and left you holding the bag.
Some of you are bitter toward parents, perhaps because you were physically abused, or sexually abused. Some of you are bitter toward a dad who never spent any time with you.

Many people get bitter toward the church and toward ministers of the gospel because of a bad experience that they had. They are bitter because somebody hurt their feelings. They are bitter because something did not go exactly to please them.
Bitterness is the result of feeling that someone has done us wrong. I would define bitterness this way: Bitterness is harbored hurt hidden in the heart. At the root of all conflict, whether it be a church fight, or a world war, is bitterness. In my estimation there is not a more dangerous emotion than the emotion of bitterness.

Bitterness is like a malignant tumor that will ultimately turn a healthy body into a cold corpse if it is not removed, and the sooner it is removed the better.

I. The Deep Root Of Bitterness

“Looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” (v.15) Bitterness is described as a root. A root is something that is beneath the surface, invisible to the eye, but nonetheless real. It is a deep root because even though it is not far from the surface, it stretches deep into the soil. Likewise the root of bitterness, though never far from the surface of one's lips, reaches deep into the soil of one's heart.

The root of bitterness takes very little soil, needs very little cultivation, is very quick to grow, but very difficult to remove. It is so easy to plant the seed of bitterness, but so difficult to weed it out.

We get bitter for basically one of three reasons. First of all, because of what is done to us. Secondly, because of what is said about us. Thirdly, because of what is taken from us. It is amazing how Jesus dealt with all three of these problems in the Sermon on the Mount.
Concerning what is said about us, Jesus said, “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matt. 5:11-12) If somebody has ever said anything that was wrong about you, congratulations, you are in great company. They did the same thing to the prophets. They did the same thing to Jesus. They're going to do the same thing to you.
Then concerning the wrong that is done to us, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Matt. 5:38-39) What Jesus was saying here was; it is not what happens to you that is important, but how you react to it that really counts with God.
Then concerning what is taken from us, Jesus said in Matt. 5:40, “If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also.” The principle that Jesus was trying to lay down was this: IT IS BETTER TO BE WRONGED, THAN IT IS TO DO WRONG. When someone does you wrong - and they will sooner or later - you have one of two choices: you can get bitter, or you can get better. Incidentally, those are the only two choices that you have, and you will make one choice or the other.

II. The Destructive Fruit of Bitterness

We are expressly warned in v.15 that if a root of bitterness does spring up, it “causes trouble.” A bitter root always brings forth bitter fruit. This root is no different. There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as bitterness.

A. It Saturates The Mind
As the root of bitterness grows, you will find that it takes up more and more of the soil of your heart. It is like a plant, we are familiar with here in the south, called kudzu. Kudzu is a vine-like plant that grows like wildfire and takes over everything it can. Likewise, bitterness will consume you and absorb you like a magnet. You will find that your mind is drawn again and again to that person toward whom you are bitter.
Bitterness can make you like the lady who went to see a doctor for an examination. She felt terrible. The doctor got very serious and said, “Madam, I hate to tell you this, but you have rabies.” She got out her notebook and started making a list. He said, “What are you doing, making out your will?” She said, “No, I'm making a list of people I'm going to bite.”

B. It Saddens The Spirit
Bitterness is a depressant. If you will look closely you will find there are no happy bitter people. Criticism, cynicism, negativism, pessimism are the marks of a bitter person. Bitterness will depress you and sadden you and even get you to the point where you cannot even function normally.

Edwin Markham was a great poet, who having reached the age of retirement, found out that his banker had defrauded him out of a great sum of money. Instead of retiring to a life of ease, he thought he had earned and he was penniless and broke.
He became so bitter he could no longer even write poetry. The candle of joy had been blown out in his heart by the blaze of bitterness. He became so obsessed with wanting to do this man harm, that all he could do was think about it, and brewed over it. He was obsessed with what this man had done to him and with how he could get even with this fellow.
One day, in a depressed funk, he was sitting at his desk just doodling, drawing circles on his paper, thinking about this banker who had stolen all of his money, and he said that the Holy Spirit spoke to him and said, “Markham, if you do not deal with this thing, it is going to ruin you. You cannot afford the price you are paying. You must forgive that man.” That great poet said, “Lord, I will forgive him, and I do freely forgive him.”

At that exact moment Markham said he could feel the root of bitterness being pulled out. He could feel the river of joy begin to flow back in his heart, and when he did, he said his mind was unshackled, his pen was loosened, and he then sat down and wrote perhaps his most famous poem entitled, Outwitted.
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout;
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.
Bitterness will dam up the joy-juices that God intends to flow through your heart, mind, soul, and body until it is broken and shattered by the hammer of forgiveness.

C. It Sickens The Body
The human body was not created to nurse bitterness and to carry grudges. Dr. McMillen, in this same book, enumerated over fifty diseases, ranging from ulcers to high blood pressure that can be caused by an emotion such as bitterness.
Now I am not trying to imply that every sick person is bitter, nor that every bitter person is sick. But every bitter person, who remains bitter, will ultimately have his physical health affected.

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was preaching one Sunday up in New Jersey. After the service a woman came by to see him, a younger woman, well dressed and attractive. She said to him, “I always itch. I have an itch I cannot get rid of, and it itches the worst when I go to church. Can you help me?”

Well after talking further with her, Dr. Peale called her personal physician. The doctor told him that he could find nothing physically or organically wrong with this lady and had concluded that she had some kind of a neurosis or an obsession that he described as a “inner mental eczema, a scratching on the inside that to her seemed to be on the skin.”

Then the physician told Dr. Peale that he knew that she and her only sister had had a falling out years ago, and that there was a great deal of bitterness involved in her life, and that could be the cause of the problem.

When Dr. Peale confronted this woman about her sister, she broke down and admitted they had had a falling out years ago over a dispute concerning the disposition of the proceeds from their deceased father's estate. A minor disagreement blew up into a major argument. They had a tremendous falling out and this woman had made up her mind never to speak to her sister again. It was at that exact moment that the itching started.

Dr. Peale, first of all, had her to confess her sin of bitterness to God, and ask God to take the bitterness and the hate away. Then he had her call her sister and ask her sister to forgive her. When she hung up the phone the lady looked at Dr. Peale and said, “That is amazing. I do not itch any longer.” She never itched again.

Let me tell you something I have learned about bitterness. The bitter person hurts no one more than he hurts himself. Bitterness does a great deal more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than the object on which it is poured.
Bitterness will poison your worship. You cannot pray with confidence. You cannot praise with joy. You cannot preach with power if you are bitter toward someone else.

Bitterness will paralyze your work. You cannot serve God when the bile of bitterness is flowing through your veins.
It will pollute your witness. It will taint your testimony. It will seal the lips of a soul-winner.

III. Defeating The Root Of Bitterness

Remember that a root is something that is underground. If you want to get rid of it you have to go after it. You have to find it. You have to dig it up. You have to get rid of it.
Everyday our bodies cleanse themselves of harmful toxins through the processes of waste elimination. If these toxins were allowed to accumulate, they would cause us to sicken and they would eventually kill us. If we want to remain mentally healthy we must get rid of toxins that come to the mind, and that come to the heart. Acts 8:23 speaks of the “poison (gall) of bitterness.” It is a poison that, if allowed to accumulate, will ultimately kill you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, if not physically. So how do you uproot and root out the root of bitterness?

A. Forget The Problem
Whatever caused the problem that brought bitterness into your life must be put behind you. Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” The word “put away” means to dispose of, to discard, to get rid of.

If you are going to remove bitterness from your life, the first thing you have got to do is get this “get even” feeling out of your heart. You've got to bury that problem in an unmarked grave. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you even with him; forgetting it sets you above him.”
The story is told that General Robert E. Lee visited a lady in Virginia after the Civil War. She was consumed with bitterness and hatred toward the Union. When he asked her why, she took him out in the front yard and showed him the scared remains of a very valuable prize tree, one that was hundreds of years old.

During a raid on her home, the Union Army had shot all of the limbs off. They had carved their initials on that tree and totally defaced its beauty.

She said, “General Lee, what do you think I ought to do about that?” He said, “My dear madam, I think you ought to cut it down and forget it.” That was great advice. You see, it is not enough just to remove the root; you've got to cut down the tree. You've got to forget the problem.

B. Forgive The Person
If you don't, we are told in v.15 you will “fall short of the grace of God.” This means that you are not living out your life according to the grace of God that is within you. You are falling short of God's grace within your life. You see that is what grace is all about, forgiving others who have done you wrong.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, “I just don't know if I can forgive this person or not.” Well you can if you have been to Calvary.
After Ephesians 4:31 comes 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” That is the key. You've got to forgive others even as God has forgiven you. I don't care how dirty you have been done; no one has ever been treated dirtier than the Lord Jesus. “Good Friday” was not so “good” to Him. But even as He was dying on that cross for your sins and mine, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

If you cannot find forgiveness in your heart for that person toward whom you are bitter, I suggest that you go back to the foot of the cross and hang around for a while.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon said, “Let us go to Calvary to learn how we may be forgiven, and then let us linger there to learn how to forgive.”

You must forgive that person who has wronged you. You must forgive him freely. That is, whether he asks for it or not. You must forgive him fully. You can't just cut your bitterness in half. You've got to forgive that person completely and then you've got to forgive that person finally. That is, you must forgive that person once and for all.

Too many times, instead of totally forgiving a person, our prayer is something like this one:
May those who love us, love us; And those who don't love us May God turn their hearts; And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping.

That kind of attitude will never remedy the problem of bitterness. It will only intensify it and make it worse.

C. Forsake The Practice
It is not enough just to forgive and forget. Verse 14 reminds us, “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.” The word pursue means “to go after in an aggressive fashion.” We are to actively pursue peace. That is, we are to take the initiative to end the war, pull down defenses, rebuild the bridges, and restore the relationship.
If you do not have joy, happiness, peace, contentment and satisfaction because of what someone has done to you, it is not because they took those things away from you. You gave them away.

I cannot control what happens to me. But I can control what happens in me. I cannot control how you act toward me. But I can control how I react toward you.

Jesus died to deliver you from the sin of bitterness in this life. But He was raised from the grave to deliver you from the sting of bitterness in the life to come.

Hell is a bitter place filled with bitter people. People who are bitter because they listened to the wrong voice. People who are bitter because they ran with the wrong crowd. People who are bitter because they made the wrong decision. People who are bitter because they served the wrong God.

The greatest bitterness a person can ever know is the bitterness of being in hell, yet knowing you could have been in heaven if you had simply and sincerely confessed Jesus Christ as Lord and believed in your heart that God raised Him from the dead. I want to invite you to examine your heart. Check and see if there is a root of bitterness in your life. If there is then come to the Lord Jesus today, He has a cure for it. Let Him remove the root of bitterness from your heart and heal you of your pain. Will you do that today?

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